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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27503770">Jealous</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/existentiallyexisting/pseuds/existentiallyexisting'>existentiallyexisting</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Study, Introspection, One Shot, Post-Episode: s04e24 I Am My Mom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 03:08:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27503770</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/existentiallyexisting/pseuds/existentiallyexisting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A look into Sadie's thoughts After the events of I am my Mom, and how she may have thought about Steven sacrificing himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jealous</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sadie’s knowledge of Steven and his magical warabouts was relatively sparse, considering that when Steven would come bounding towards her with his usual optimism, talking about his magical adventures, she normally didn’t have the slightest idea what he was talking about. She knew that Steven’s mom was some magical space alien who was nearly 8 feet tall and shockingly beautiful. She knew that Stevens guardians were also part of the same space faring race. She knew that as a result of his heritage, Steven himself had inherited some interesting abilities (she had witnessed them on multiple occasions, they were quite the spectacle ). But, besides these observable facts, Steven’s life and what sorts of dangers he faced on his “magical destiny quest” were vague, and Sadie’s image of Steven’s various magical ordeals was very unclear. However, Sadie couldn’t lie and say she had never pondered the puzzle pieces Steven sprinkled into his daily enthusiastic jabber.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The other day, after me and the Amethyst were fighting this huge monster thing --”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And then the whole thing just exploded!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I got hit by a rock!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <span>At the time, Sadie thought these were just normalities in Stevens' crazy exciting magical life. In fact, Sadie had almost found herself feeling jealous of all the radiant grandeur of his superpowers and his ‘magical destiny.’ How dull it was, to sit in the Big Donut and sell donuts to equally dull customers every single day in the sleepy beach town she called home. Every minute equated to a long exasperated sigh. Sadie’s life was incredibly boring. Except for when Steven came in, because he was never dull, always talking about some intense movie-eske fantasy scene from his weekend. And Sadie would perk up and listen, entertained for the time being by his untamed enthusiasm and fantastical stories. Or he would just come in and ask for a donut, asking with sincerity that could never be falsified about Sadie and Lars lives, as if they could ever be more interesting than his own. Maybe Sadie was a little bit jealous.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>However, Sadie’s jealousy and longing for something more in life faded slightly when she and several other beach city locals were kidnapped by enemy gems from the gem homeworld. When Sadie had previously sat at the big Donut and thought about how she could be doing something better, more significant, more exciting, etc, for some reason the idea of fantasy themed moral peril was enticing, invigorating even. But after her brush with that ‘mortal peril’ side of Steven’s magical life, she realized that she was pretty sure she wanted little to do with it. The stakes and risks of the type of situation that she and the other locals had found themselves dragged into far exceeded any type of longing for a fantastical journey. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What if Topaz had killed Jamie? What if she had succeeded in her original plan to take all of us back to homeworld?</span>
  </em>
  <span> There are too many what-ifs and alternate paths that could have occurred given any small change in variables.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Moreover, the actual happenings of that dreaded evening in the cold, black ocean water were what completely horrified Sadie, and what made her ashamed to ever be envious of Stevens traumatic, fantastical, dangerous, magical life. She stared blankly into the empty lilac sky where the space vessel had once been, stricken with confusion and horror. As quickly as all of the magical fighting and sci-fi action had occurred up in the ship, they had all been left in tense silence, breathing heavily in the dark waters.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Except Steven, who had just sacrificed himself to be a prisoner on an alien planet, she thinks. Her lack of context makes the situation a little difficult to decipher, but the tears falling down the tall one’s (Garnet’s?) face solidified the severity of what she just saw. Sadie’s ears felt as though they were stuffed with cotton and the crisp coldness of the night autumn ocean felt as though it was leaking into her pores and filling her heart with ice. Her limbs, though stiff and cold, worked on autopilot to keep her above the salty waves. Sadie was struggling to process the events of the entire evening. Her throat closed when she imagined Steven turning his back on his family and walking back towards her former captors. She turned her head with mouth hanging open in shock (greif?) to face the others in the water with her, and was met with tear stricken faces and horrified expressions. Amethyst was the first to speak, her voice cutting sharply through the heavy silence. She turned to Garnet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Garnet! What are we going to do?” She screamed, voice cracking with desperation. Garnet didn’t respond for a moment, a hundred words living and dying in her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>G-Garnet!” She said again, swimming a bit closer to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “How are we gonna get him back,” Amethyst said more quietly, her face contorting with grief as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. Sadie watched this heartbreaking scene as she floated in the water, and briefly, as she heaved in the cold air, she thought she might vomit. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Would Steven ever come back? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sadie’s throat was burning at this thought. He was only 14. Sadie wondered what exactly would happen to him, what exactly was happening </span>
  <em>
    <span>now </span>
  </em>
  <span>as Steven was inevitably soaring through the cosmos with the two gems who had kidnapped her and threatened to kill Jamie. The ice that coated her veins seemed to grip more tightly the deeper she plummeted into the many possibilities of gruesome fates that could befall the boy she had come to know. Sadie’s lip quivered as she brought her hands out of the water to grip her scalp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that moment, Sadie was violently brought to a revelation. She didn’t want Steven’s “magical” life, and she was ashamed that she had ever selfishly assumed that his life was some fantastical novel. Sadie was not Jealous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don't know,” Garnet said, and Sadie saw a tear trail down her face from underneath her glasses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sadie was not Jealous.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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